11:30 PM; Logan—bed
Ugh. Yesterday was state foosball (tournament) and I spent the night crying on the phone with Erin. My partner Jaime and I had spent Saturday night bonding and laughing our asses off, but then I couldn’t stand her by Sunday and was grossed out by all the male gaze and patriarchy of the crowd. I didn’t play well either. Worked from home today and had a meeting with Mirna and John. Back on Tinder, which is vaguely entertaining but also disheartening. Still not over Molly’s ghosting. Still wondering about my destiny with L.A. Mom and Dad leave for Florida and Cuba Wednesday—the day Nena is supposed to get her biopsy results. I haven’t written in ages and The Nightside is next week. Tomorrow I hang with Maia. Had a nightmare last night that I got fat. It was very unsettling. I’m behind in my work and have meetings all day tomorrow. Feeling tired. The weather is getting me down—so much rain and 40º cold. Our windows keep leaking and my landlord keeps showing up when I’m in pajamas. The bees swarmed. The chickens lay eggs that Mom puts into a wicker basket. Soon I will be 28. Abuela is always on my mind. But I achieved a hint of stability last week. A first.