7:46 PM; bed
I’m surprised I haven’t written since the twins were born, but I was keeping my writing for the journal I started for them. I think yesterday was the three week mark. Of course we’re all in love with them—what a change for the rest of our lives. They’re so small but doing well.
Listening to the new playlist I made and sent to both Allie and Jordan. Last weekend Jordan, their friends, and I went out for karaoke and Jordan caught me off-guard by saying that it’s inevitable that we make out because of the tension, which I didn’t deny. I was relieved they said something about it. I feel like I must know when those feelings surfaced for them because I feel like the subordinate, yearning one, which I don’t like—I want the control. But they have it. I sit here pining for attention.
We didn’t end up spending NYE together because I didn’t want to spend the money on my own hotel room, which Jordan wanted me to get, which still confuses me. I don’t understand their feelings.
The tension could definitely be felt when we went to the Art Institute together. We’ll be hanging out tomorrow to make art.
Tonight Mom and Dad are spending the night at Carlos’ to help them out (obviously). Mellie is currently curled up at my feet.
I’m munching on spicy blue Takis. I’m sweating.
Oh no! I forgot to check for eggs at 4:00. :|
After I eat these, I’ll wash my face and put a face mask on and probably play a game of Catan with strangers on BGA. Pretty sure Allie is busy with Priya tonight.