12:36 AM; Alyssa’s—bed
I can’t believe I haven’t written in so long—should have been a red flag maybe. Jack(et) the cat wants to participate in my journaling. He paws at the marker. My phone flashlight is propped against my calf so that I can write in the dark. Alyssa fell asleep after we smoked and talked for a while. She made dinner and it felt really couple-y—happy in a simple way. I got my hair cut really short today—we talked about family pressure—my feeling a need to conform to my parents’ desire for me to be more feminine. My mind is bouncing all over the place. I paid Mom back the $6k loan today. This after the fucking week from hell. It was this past Sunday night that Andy came home drunk and threw me out the door. I’m still feeling the desire to call the hotline the police provided and pursue charges of some kind. I hate that I’m letting the patriarchy to go on unchecked. Fuckers.